Feeling Depressed

This is a "whoa is me" entry...

I'm so bummed out I couldn't take that job.  Everyone is losing theirs and looking for work and to not be able to take a job is such a let down to your self esteem.  I just had no idea I'd spend every day crying about  it.

I can't tell you how debilitating having a mental illness like manic-depression is to keeping a job.  I can get jobs.  I have a terrible time holding one down.  I'm not lazy, stupid or incompetent, which makes it that much harder to explain to others that holding down a job is almost impossible.  The last thing I'd want to do to this lady is end up quitting because I wouldn't be able to keep up at some point.

For those that say to just "pull your pants up and deal with it"; I do that every day.  Manic-depression is a battle that never goes away and one you can't ever afford to lose.  You grit your teeth, get out of bed, pretend everything is okay to the rest of the world and "fake it until you make it".  You run yourself into the ground trying to deal with things that are simple to everyone else.

Quilting is my way out of the chains of manic-depression.  It calms down the manic frenzy and lifts up the depression.  Besides my family and meds, quilting and blogging keep me sane.  I wish I could say I feel a little better after posting, but I don't.  I just feel like a leech on society and I was raised to be self sufficient.  It sucks.